I’ve ruminated on this idea for some time now. It’s one of those aphorisms that makes me uncomfortable, because it flies against so much of modern humanity. And for that reason, it feels like it contains an especially powerful truth.

I can’t recall where I first came across it, but like all great thoughts, they’ve been had time and time over by men and women of the ages past. It’s nothing original. But like all great ideas, they are enhanced and built upon when re-discovered by new generations. Here’s my attempt at capturing it, which I think adequately expresses the sentiment:

Dare to be vulnerable, lest we forget how fragile we are.

It’s a bit of Dr. Joyce Brothers and a bit of Sting.

I think this idea of vulnerability helps us to realise our most fundamental selves. By being in a state of vulnerability, we actually acknowledge who we are.

To achieve this state of being and really manifest our most true self in the world, we need to get what is inside, out. Our deepest thoughts and feelings, desires and fears, likes and dislikes. But in order to do that, we need to open ourselves up to the risk of being judged, criticised, humiliated, hurt and all manner of other negative, scary things, often by people who are themselves just struggling to make sense of life.

That is, we need to dare to make ourselves vulnerable.

By taking this risk, we allow ourselves to open our hearts. We allow people to see us bare and unclothed. It’s not until we do this that we can begin to form meaningful relationships with other beings. Because the opposite – presenting a facade of what we think people want to see – will only build superficial bonds.

Why is this? Society encourages us to put our best foot forward. To show our most appealing self to the world. And perhaps more so than ever due to the prevalence of the internet, in modern times we are under pressure to remain constantly connected. We find ourselves in a struggle, unwittingly competing with one another to demonstrate we belong, be it in our career, love-life, friendships, hobbies. We’re successful too. We’re attractive too. We’re happy too. Just look and see!

But behind the flood of pictures and posts, videos and conversations lies a monster in each of us. Deep down we are all controlled by fear, a beast that torments us and makes us feel terrified that we’re not actually going to make it. That we won’t be accepted if we reveal who we truly are. If they only knew just how much of a mess I am we think, they’d never speak to me again.

But I think that it’s precisely this fragility which makes us human. It’s one of perhaps a few intrinsic traits that we all possess, irrespective of race, culture, ethnicity or creed, perhaps written into our very DNA.

There’s a tremendous danger in forgetting this idea. If we forget how fragile we all are, we risk slipping back into the habit of judging people based on their veneer – their social face. The words and actions of most people are performed in the context of the culture and people around them, and are rarely the truest representation of that person as they see themselves.

That hotshot CEO? He’s just terrified he’ll be revealed as not knowing how to run the business, so he projects an air of confidence to hide it. That beautiful woman? She just really wants to feel loved and is scared rejection, so she makes herself up. That loving mum? She’s just afraid that she’s not raising her children well, so she plans lots of family events to make sure people see she is being a good mother.

By recognising that we all struggle in fear and that we are all just delicate, glass beings afraid of being dropped and broken, we can hone in on the fundamental sameness in our fellow human beings. And when we mutually recognise that point and can move to discussing our deepest fears and thoughts in a brutally honest, open fashion – that’s when magic happens.

That’s when lasting, meaningful relationships are formed: Friendships we can rely on. Communities that support us. Perhaps if we are so lucky, even romantic partners that really understand us.

So dare to be vulnerable, and don’t forget we’re all just fragile human beings.