Between writing about haikyo, Japan and bioluminescence, I often just don’t have the time to really address my readers personally. I’m sorry for neglecting you all! Thankfully, your worries are now over. Enter the Gakuran-MANLY-man huggable, loveable body pillow! Perfect for lonely girls (and guys) alike!
I’m online now and waiting for your message, so drop by and say hello. And if you really like me, get in touch with Tofugu. I hear they’re in negotiations with a reputable printer and will be shipping my soft, rayon fabric dakimakura out within the week. Cheerio for now then!
Sometimes in the void between Japanese overtime and Monday mornings, I like to chat to myself. Below is a record of one such session. You can learn a few curious details about the haikyo expedition that I did with the Tofugu team during their recent trip to Japan!
Chat Log Begins.
Session connected. GakuranMANLYman is waiting on you!
You: Hey Manly Man.
You: What’s up?
GakuranMANLYman: Sorry for the disheveled look. Just got back from a Haikyo.
You: Really? Find anything manly in there?
GakuranMANLYman: Oof, is this gakuran a bit dirty? Let me take it off a bit.
You: Woah now, we’ve only just met on the interwebz
GakuranMANLYman: Huh, so you like that?
GakuranMANLYman: What about if I unbutton this gakuran nice and slowly for you?
You: Just. Like. That.
GakuranMANLYman: Okay, too much, too much. Let’s slow down.
GakuranMANLYman: Tell me about you. What’s your name?
You: I’m the actual Gakuranman!
GakuranMANLYman: Ok. My name is Michael Gakuran.
You: Bollocks it is.
GakuranMANLYman: That’s why I wear this gakuran everywhere I go.
You: Can’t argue with proof like that then eh?
GakuranMANLYman: When I’m not pretending to go to school I like to go to Haikyos, which are just abandoned buildings and such. There’s a lot of them in Japan.
You: So i hear…
GakuranMANLYman: I think my favorite was gunkanjima. I went to the top of a building, tore my shirt off, and had tea time.
You: I recall it a little differently, but…
GakuranMANLYman: Yes, I am British.
You: With a stiff upper lip, I take it?
GakuranMANLYman: Anyways, what do you like to do?
You: I’m actually into bioluminescent sea creatures found in the deepest oceans!
GakuranMANLYman: That’s cool. I like that too. I also like snowball fighting, though some people think I fight dirty.
You: Dirty is the only way to fight
GakuranMANLYman: Do you know why? Because I am a dirty boy.
You: How dirty?
GakuranMANLYman: Right, sorry, we’re taking this slow.
You: Such a tease!
GakuranMANLYman: Where do you think we’ll be going with this relationship?
You: Not the schizophrenic direction, I certainly hope…
GakuranMANLYman: Is that so?
You: I don’t know – you tell me!
GakuranMANLYman: I want to take things a little further than that, though.
You: As if having this conversation with myself wasn’t far enough…
GakuranMANLYman: Like, a lot further, to be honest.
You: Bloody hell
GakuranMANLYman: Just take how far you want to go and multiply it by infinity.
You: That’s pretty far, even by philosophical standards.
GakuranMANLYman: Sorry, you’re just so hot. Super hot.
You: Oh, I know, I know.
GakuranMANLYman: Like, so hot I want to take a snowball and put it under your shirt. That’s how hot you are right now.
You: Did that to Koichi once. Gave him goosebumps.
GakuranMANLYman: Too far again?
You: I think he thought it was too far, yes
GakuranMANLYman: Sorry, I’ll try to calm down. Tell me a little bit about your favorite haikyo?
You: Well Gunkanjima was a blast, but I like the little wooden medical shacks a lot too
GakuranMANLYman: Uh, lame.
GakuranMANLYman: Chips or crisps?
You: Crisps, you philistine!
GakuranMANLYman: You’re making me feel quite knackered.
You: Fancy a bite of fish and chips then?
GakuranMANLYman: I can tell this isn’t going to go anywhere, so I’m going to end things here. If you want to know more, just go to my website, Gakuran.com. Lots more hot pics of me there.
You: I certainly will! Thanks!
GakuranMANLYman: You just can’t handle all this lavender and rayon.
You: I wish I knew what the hell rayon was…
GakuranMANLYman: Oh no. The queen help us.
You: Watch out now, before she smites you!
GakuranMANLYman: I just set off an alarm.
You: Ah, memories… I’m sure Koichi has nightmares about it. Behind mayonnaise of course.
GakuranMANLYman: I gotta run before the security gets here.
You: Up the stairs, through the tatami room and out through the second floor emergency exit, right?
GakuranMANLYman: Chip chip cheerio, mate!
GakuranMANLYman: Away Message: Alarm just went off, gotta run, literally!
You: Run, Manly-Man, Run!
P.S. Sorry if this April Fools was just a little too late (I believe it’s still the 1st in some parts of the world)! I couldn’t pass up such a great opportunity to share the awesome work of the guys and girls at Tofugu. I had no idea before it came out. Amazing stuff!